Technology & Relationships: Two Peas?

Sherry Turkle, professor at MIT observes that, “These days, insecure in our relationships and anxious about intimacy, we look to technology for ways to be in relationships and protect ourselves from them at the same time.” 

I kinda think this is a good thing, a really good thing. Now, it’s certainly not all good I realize. We are slowly losing our ability to verbally converse (a big deal) and have this constant need to have all of our statuses updated on our devices. But, think about the intertwining of relationships and technology in the future sense, as if what is happening today is just the beginning, just a pre-cursor to something amazing. Yes, our sci-fi imaginations run wild with all the beaming and stuff.

What I’m really talking about however, is how technology can actually create new and powerful relationships and appears destined to do so more and more in the future. And that’s good news. How about deaf/mute people being able to communicate effectively and efficiently in society due to new technologies? How about quadriplegics being able to work and contribute to the world via advanced communication technologies? Can’t we get there one day via technology? Or, think about students in developing countries being able to immersively experience university-level education from their native countries. Not just online classes, but all the collaboration, thinking, and problem-solving that is fundamental to a true university education. Then, there’s also the currently unknown and unlimited potential for technology to connect us more deeply, more meaningfully as humans doing life together -- moms and kids, clients and service provider, city and city, country and country – new relationships and community experiences yet to be defined and shaped.  

Today, we often feel sheepish or even a form of social judgment when we think people see us on our phones “too much.” I think that rather than being or feeling judged, implicitly or explicitly, we should embrace. Because it’s just the beginning. And so much good can come from the connecting of technology and relationships if we evolve our thinking culturally, if we embrace that today’s world of texting and status updates is just the first phase of something that could actually evolve relationships. The more we embrace this mindset, the more likely we are to move forward. The more likely we are to move technology to do good, to do something deep, connective, and meaningful. 

Commerce: A Community Thing?

I believe there’s an opportunity to make commerce more communal. In a digital, mobile world that perpetuates individualism and isolation, I believe there’s hunger out there for a sense of community. A hunger to live in relation, to share our thoughts, hopes and dreams. And I believe there’s even a desire to be in community when it comes to our wants, needs, and victories in shopping. And that spells opportunity.

I believe there’s a group of shoppers who still crave meaningful interaction in commerce. And as good designers and marketers, we should strive to intertwine community and commerce in the right contexts. With an increased focus in automation, we tend to forget that word-of-mouth recommendations, a little good ‘ol fashioned customer service, and thoughtful expertise can be refreshing and welcomed. A little more Farmers’ Market and a little less Craigslist.

Think about it – when was the last time you received service that made you feel like you were important, like a dear friend? When was the last time you had a shopping experience that was even memorable…in a good way? I’d venture to guess it was at a local shop, one that was small and maybe even family run. And that’s the point, technology has created a distancing effect, which in many cases, can be really good and make shoppers’ lives easier, but are we beginning to swing it too far? The right human or “human” interaction can be powerful.

I don’t mean that we need to throw a bunch of customer service reps back into the shopping experience, although that might be the right thing to do in some contexts. What I am saying is that when we design new experiences, even those that are technology-based, we need to be keenly mindful of keeping it human and creating community through the journey, not just making the experience more efficient. This might mean letting shoppers discover something on their own, rather than have a bunch of products shoved in our (digital) faces. Creating joy and serendipity in browsing again. Or, maybe it means facilitating community creation in a Harley-Davidson or Mini Cooper-like way. Perhaps it’s creating community via social good, like Toms does. It might also just mean facilitating trial like the Farmers’ Market free samples, to just start the conversation with the expert. Technology companies can do this as well. Companies like NextDoor (a neighborhood social network) and NeighborGoods (a digital service to share and borrow goods from others) are thriving because we desire relationship.

Creating community through shopping begets invitation. Perhaps it’s “look what I did; you should try this too,” or perhaps it’s just simple product advocacy from a trusted friend. Community also begets community. An inclusive shopping experience could facilitate family shopping or shopping with friends. An invitation to share the experience. And that means more brand loyalty and more at the register.

Our desire for community is why the Farmers’ Market is alive and well across the country. It serves that intrinsic need to do life together, that it isn’t all about faster, faster, faster. After all, we are all in this thing together. Even when we shop.

Business Leadership & Parenting...Two Peas

Leading an organization is a lot like raising kids. It’s not that staff needs to be babysat or disciplined, but rather, they need to be encouraged, cared for, and tended to just like our little ones. In both, we must be user-centered, we must be iterative, and we must facilitate thriving through dialogue and attentiveness. So, I’ve put some thought into this and outlined my top commonalities and considerations for each.  Enjoy!

1.       Involved, but not dictatorial. So easy to fall into this trap. Staff and kids need guidance, but neither will thrive if you take over. Sometimes, restraint is the best approach. Even if you could do it better.

2.       Push ideas further. Sometimes, it’s less about coming up with the big idea and more about helping making it happen. Empowering.  Adding and building to. Shutting down sub-optimal pathways. Good leaders just make things better. They make people feel better amidst the process. Whether it’s the fort-building at home, or a new approach to business development, good leaders help with the means just as often as they help with the end.

3.       Know their people. Not just their skills or strengths and weaknesses.  Good leaders know people’s fears, frustrations, hopes, dreams, and how you’re really doing today. They just know you without you even knowing they are looking out for you.

4.       Collaborate like crazy. Good leaders take the ego out of it. Mom could cook dinner way faster than if junior “helps,” but she takes the time and focus to invite him to be a part of the process. Further, Mr. CEO, provides the assurance that he’s in control, but at the same time, lets his people in to truly contribute.

5.       Laser-focus on the right problems, the right questions. Good leaders don’t get lost in the sea of drama or get overwhelmed with all that’s wrong. Instead, they know where to focus, not chewing off more than the situation calls for. A good mom doesn’t just want to keep the peace among siblings, but rather how she can build up their character in the given moment. A business leader sees things you miss, and socratically helps you see the light.

6.       What would MacGyver do?  Good leaders are plain innovative and rad on their feet. They’re courageous. They’re patient. They see how tools and resources can be used creatively. They’re absurdly calm.

7.       They’re relentless. They care about the big picture and the little details with contagious passion. You can’t help but want to go to battle with them.

8.       They’re safe. You can trust a good leader. They’re half therapist, half teacher. They’re there for you.  Approachable. Humble. Empathetic.

9.       They care.  Good leaders just make you feel good inside. Their feedback is never harsh and always on-point. They pull you aside to love on you, but also point you to how you could do better next time. They talk to you – not just superficially, but thoughtfully, gracefully, and tenderly.